Sunday, November 20, 2011

Final Update From California?

Originally posted on Live Journal: Suburban Eschatology Part Two (January 27, 2011 4:07 PM)
Current Location:
Fair Oaks, CA
Current Mood:
apathetic apathetic
Current Music:

Well, hopefully. I may be delayed a few days on the return due to personal issues, not issues with Mom, but I should be home next week, one way or the other. It will be good. It has been three months and I feel that I have done pretty much all I can here (or will have by next week) and I am more than ready to return to my life up north.

I am tired and burned out. It is not that it has been a lot of hard work, or unpleasant, or anything like that. I think it has a lot more to do with just missing home. Not really homesick, but just feeling ready to go home. My days have been pretty busy, between helping Mom, keeping up with some nasty issues involving the boys up north, and trying to get some work done on some personal writing projects while I have the time, and while things will not necessarily be any less hectic up north, probably even more so for the first couple weeks, I will, at least, be in my own home, surrounded by good friends, etc.

So it was a bit disappointing to find out today that I may be delayed for a couple of days. It has left me, well, I don't know… Just taking a break, this afternoon, sitting in Starbucks, getting on line for what will probably be the last chance I have to do so for a while, and just feeling a bit numb. Starting tomorrow, I need to get serious about the final push, wrapping up a bunch of chores, before heading out next week. I should have started today, but I just couldn't find the traction. After dinner, Mom and I are hitting a meeting and then I need to check in with Jenna and the boys, but that is about all I have in me today.

I think, this week, I really started feeling like my life is on hold for the first time since all of this started back in November. I've been hearing about things going on with the boys back home and I am really feeling the need to be up there. And Mom is doing remarkable well and has been getting out and about on her own this week, so the primary purpose of my stay has pretty much wrapped up. 

And it is time to get back home. On to the job hunt. As a friend of mine put it recently, it's not looking for a job, it is getting a job. It has been two years and a long road between my last contract and my next one, or any sort of employment (not necessarily holding out for a technical writing position), and while getting back into the fray does feel a bit intimidating, I think I am ready. As for the health issues that were plaguing me for a year and a half or so, I feel better than I have felt in years. 

So I am stuck in the transition today. The plans I made fell through as far as leaving on Monday. That is still a possibility, but I will not know for sure until tomorrow. And I am getting tired of all of the "If this, then that’s…" which have been a big part of life for the last three months. I thought, short term, those were done. I guess not.

But it is what it is and it could be a hell of a lot worse. I suppose this is not much of an update when it comes to any real facts or information, but it is what it is, and it probably is a pretty true reflection of how I feel this afternoon. A bit larger than I need to be and devoid of much content. But that is just a state I am passing through.

I am really looking forward to the drive home. I am really looking forward to taking a couple of days to myself when I get home without worrying about much of anything (yeah, right). I am really looking forward to seeing some friends. And I am really looking forward to seeing my children. I suppose that as much as anything explains my mood right now. A lot of looking forward, not a lot of anything to look at right here, right now, today.

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